My Midwest Move: The Grief of Transition
I originally moved to Denver in order to escape the bitter cold and gray of the Midwest. I was lucky enough to get to stay in Colorado for just over 4 years, during which I developed quite an attachment to the city, mountains, and people there. However, I had agreed to move so my partner could attend school back in the Midwest, and this past summer, we packed up and headed to Michigan.
Although skeptical of leaving what I knew to be home, I was excited and ready for a change, and I was eager to bring Khesed’s affordable and free mental health therapy to Michigan residents. I have always loved parts of moving and starting fresh. The newness often gives me a rush and a sense of adventure… at first.
After the first two weeks, the adventure began to wear off, and I realized that everything and everyone I had been familiar with had been left behind. It made me feel uncomfortable and incredibly isolated.
I had forgotten how difficult it is to experience that kind of loneliness, going days without seeing or talking to anyone aside from my partner. On top of that, I found myself seldom leaving the apartment. My work being solely remote, there was rarely a need to. I began to feel that cold, gray experience of the Midwest creeping a little too closely into my life.
Now, I am about 2 months into the move. Things are feeling a bit more settled and familiar externally, but the loneliness has seemed to linger. I often try to ignore it, filling my days with distraction. I try to remind myself that I don’t need to feel lonely; I have plenty of family and friends in other places. However, telling myself this doesn’t seem to get rid of that ache I feel.
It occurred to me recently that in doing this, I had been forgetting to practice the very thing I tell my clients to do. I wasn’t extending compassion to that lonely place inside of me; I was just trying to shove it away from myself. I had to remind myself that it’s OK that I feel lonely and extend compassion to that lonely feeling as if it were a friend.
Transition is difficult. Your whole life is uprooted, bringing a sense of chaos and grief. One thing I have learned through my grieving process is that I feel best when I give myself permission to feel, because when this permission is granted, I can move through my emotions instead of getting stuck in them.
I often think of this clip from “Inside Out.” Like Joy, we often attempt to get rid of the emotions that are hard to sit with. However, allowing them to be heard, seen, and loved can give us the relief and support we are longing for, and help us find a way forward. I hope to continue making space for myself and extending compassion to my uncomfortable feelings, and if you are reading this, I hope you do too.
Is there an emotion you’ve been avoiding recently that could use some compassion? Khesed’s free and affordable mental health services are now available in Michigan, and Brittany is now accepting Michigan-based clients.
About the Author:
Brittany Duncan (she/her), MA, LPCC has her Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and her Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She enjoys working with clients navigating relational grief or dissatisfaction, transitional difficulties, attachment, trauma, and identity formation. Through a holistic and integrative approach, Brittany assists clients in exploring their innermost needs and patterns of relating in order to break the cycles they feel stuck in.
