Coming Out & Inviting In
Despite the progress we’ve seen for the LGBTQ+ community, queer people still face a lot of stigma. Discriminatory laws have seen a resurgence throughout the country, making sharing one’s sexuality or gender identity with others for the first time an even more nerve-wracking experience.
Historically, coming out meant sharing who you are with everyone in your life and giving others an opportunity to accept or deny you for who you truly are. This is not a one-time thing, though, as queer people may have to come out to multiple groups of people throughout their life. Someone may start with their friends and immediate family, and eventually share with extended family, schoolmates, coworkers, and acquaintances over time.
In recent years, however, more attention has been brought to inviting in. While coming out can be a freeing experience, it can put a lot of pressure and stress on LGBTQ+ individuals. Fear of judgment and lack of acceptance are very real. Inviting in is a more person-centered, celebratory announcement of one’s identity, as LGBTQ+ folx share their identity with trusted loved ones and may feel more comfortable celebrating their truth.
Deciding whether to come out or invite people in is a very personal decision. Coming out will likely happen multiple times in a person’s life as they decide whether to share their gender identity and/or sexuality with new friends, workplaces, and other communities. Rather than being a one-time event, every move, job change, and life transition can become another coming out process.
The connotation of coming out has a different feeling than inviting in, where a person also has a freeing opportunity to share and celebrate their identity with loved ones. Coming out is centered on others, while inviting in puts the focus on the person sharing their news.
If a person chooses to invite you in, it’s important to listen without any judgment, and avoid speaking in a way that undermines or rejects them. They are sharing something personal about their identity with you, and overpowering them in that moment can hinder their trust in you. Instead, thank them for feeling safe to share with you, and let them know you support them.
At Khesed Wellness, we can help you work through fears and difficult feelings when deciding if, how, and when you feel comfortable sharing your sexuality and/or gender identity with others. Whether you want to come out to a large group of people, or invite trusted people in, your LGBTQ+ identity and feelings are valid.
Khesed is queer-founded with LGBTQ+ representation on staff. We began as a resource for the oppressed and our founding mission remains at the center of all of our offerings. LGBTQ+ advocacy, allyship, and affirmative therapy are core to who we are, practiced in all of the services we offer, and supported by those we choose to partner with.
We offer free and affordable mental health therapy to those who need it. Our LGBTQ+ Pro Bono Program provides 4 free sessions to those who identify as LGBTQ+ and we invite participants to take advantage of multiple programs should they qualify. If you are ready to get started with a therapist, fill out our intake form. We’re here to help.